• Vajan sind

I just woke up this sunday morning with this thought… I love you. And more than that, I need you.

I’m used to be quite independent. But now that I know you, I want you by my side one day. Because besides loving the human being that you are, I also need you. I could love you not needing you but I do.

I need you to stare at the things I love and love them even more. I need you to make my dreams become ours. I need you to care for you. I need you to make my life more meaningful. I think even I need you to hug you. To kiss you. To cuddle with you. To meditate by your side. And to have this courage to go where I have never been.

Having this thoughts after I was well awake, a curious impulse led me to try to find the lyrics of a song in your mother language, the very first song in your language I’ve shared with you on our messages. A song you said its title was curious. As well.

So, here’s that song’s lyrics. Curious words, I thought, these ones who are going to follow… 

Külm on liiv sel kuumal päeval,

päikest näen, kuid ta ei anna sooja

ning sinuga on mul täpselt samad lood.

Miks juhtus nii, lisasid sa sammu,

järgi sul enam ma ei jõudnud.

Kas alati peab minema kõik nii?

Ma olen väsind sellest jooksmisest,

kuid puhata ei taha.

Olen segaduses, kuid ma tean,

et üht ainult vajan.

Vajan sind

Kui seiklen omapäi

Vajan sind

Kui pea vaid ringi käib

Ainult sind

Siis kuum ja külm on üheskoos

Vajan sind

Kui ennast otsin ma

Vajan sind

Kui kiskjana end tunnen ma

Ainult sind

Siis öö võib päevaks muutuda.

Tähed ees ei anna asu,

kas üksi neid vaadata mul tasub?

Minuga on kummalised lood.

Ma vaatan sind ja ei suuda mõista,

kus olid kõik need pikad aastad,

kuid nüüd ma tean, on loodud sulle laul.

Lõpuks jõudnud kohale ja tean,

et nii ma kõike tahan.

Üle kõige selles maailmas

ma üht ainult vajan..

 - “Vajan Sind”, song by Renate

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To hear this post’s original soundtrack, click here, please.

• Santa, I want a learjet

Every time that you let go you are over there, feeling lonely… It hurts me. My heart starts to bleed a little.

I’m over here, lonely too. But not as lonely as you may be. I have my dear ones close to me. You don’t. And I’m more used to be lonesome. For much more time than you by now. It has been years for me, not just months.

You say you hate small talk. So do I. It’s hard to find someone to whom we, you or me, can feel comfortable and interested on talking with.

I was lucky to having been found a few good souls with whom I have been feeling not so alone. All along these almost five years after me and my ex-wife having break up, I have been experiencing like having some companionship. By the same way we met, online-made acquaintances.

I have gained several new good friendships. With some I have even jumped to the next level. I have met them in real life. But with no one I have had more than a fine friendship. With none I allowed myself to start dreaming of more than that. And I think I finally know why today. Because of what you make me be awaken to.

I haven’t allowed myself to start dreaming of a life together with some of my good friends that I could well turn out to love one day because… None of them was or is a dreamer like I am. Or you are. Dear…

None of them was or is a truly free spirit like I am. Or you are, girl.

You told me this afternoon you were reading this blog, once more. Going back to things that I have written all these years. Going back to things always more ancient than the last ones you read. And so on.

You made me go and read also my own words. To check on those things I said once but could not anymore be totally agreeing. It happens with minds like my own. And I suppose with your own too.

I could not find anything that I am now significantly in disagreeance. And specially on the myth about my future wife that I have once created. That myth seems to fit on you. Like a glove.

I joked with you about choosing the colour of our private learjet. To get the geographic distance between us - 3439 km, as the crow flies, more or less - now more bearable. And despite you were a bit sad, you didn’t told me “Stop it!!”. You could but you didn't. Instead, you started to live that joke with me. So naturally. You see, we are this kind of buddies.

Ma armastan sind. How could I not?…

• Ma armastan sind

• Järsku*

Järsku silmapiiril on muutunud. Mis siis, kui sa tegelikult oled üks?... 
Ja mis siis, kui ma olen sinu jaoks liiga?… 

Ma arvasin, et olen selleks valmis. Kuid selle asemel ma tunnen, ujuvad õhus sees anti-gravitatsiooni kambris.

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* Suddenly, in estonian.

• How it always should be

How it always should be when two people fall in love and choose each other to live together for the rest of their days. This is, in summary, today’s theme. But first, a little preamble...

In the long time gone year of 1650, a portuguese noble, D. Francisco Manuel de Mello, at the time arrested in prison, - some say because he felt in love to a countess who was the king’s mistress - wrote in a couple of months a treaty about life in matrimony. Thinking of another noble, friend of him, who had some doubts about how to always be happy in his recent marriage. This homely philosophy book would be named the “Carta de Guia de Casados”, which in english would be “Guide Letter to Married People”.

Today I’d like to unveil here in my blog an excellent article that I found  by chance! A perfect update to our days of this famous book, written according to the moral values of the 17th century, which at our present time would arouse a few (many) smiles. 

This article describes what - in my fair opinion, very similar to the one of the author - love relationships ideally should be. And I think it meant a lot to me while I was reading it also because of some enlightenment a fresh new friend of mine has brought me these last days, not being aware of it. 

This article was originally in portuguese. I took the trouble to translate it here to english, in order for it to reach a larger number of people around this world. So, here goes…

The New Energy and love relationships

We can see that more and more people have had difficulties in finding partners to share their lives.

Love relationships between couples are going through a big change.

Individuals are undergoing a major transformation. But many are still unaware of this, and are looking for relationships as they tried once, based on romanticism, depending on the control.

This type of relationship is based on fear and illusion. And all that is in the power of illusion and fear will no longer be able to sustain.

It's time to realize that each of us is an individual who has his own needs, which can not be met each other, but that must be met by ourselves, creating our own reality.

The other, our fellow traveler is someone who is there beside us simply giving support to our journey of self knowledge, he loves us unconditionally and is there beside us with everything he is also, so that we can know best and love the most. So one is the biggest supporter of the other to find their own essence.

A companion is someone who is there simply witnessing you giving your steps toward what you really came to BE on earth.

He honors you for everything that you are. Feeling no need whatsoever to control your life.

So one is for the other a witness present, and one and the other can go on rediscovering and building what we can call the three dimensions of heaven on earth.

Also note: it is not necessary that you find a person who likes whatever you also like, who is exactly like you, and that has the same search in life. True love includes accepting and respecting differences, realizing that the other can be exactly as he/she is, and it does not prevent you from being who you are. You are the one who needs to learn to get in touch with your personal power and support your choices in your life, do what drives you, what gives you joy of living. The other will do what is important to him/her. And one can indeed learn from the living to love more and more himself. Then love will be more and more intense in the relationship itself.

It is necessary to release the control of ego illusions, requirements, romanticism-based relationship.

We need to drop the conquest of the other, which is not an animal to be trapped in your bait.

One must realize that what you demand so much is already in himself, and will never find it on someone else.

Relationships based on primary needs create dependency, trap the being, cause suffering.

You must understand that you are not a victim of the world but yourself create these relationships suffering for your own.

There are other possibilities available. Open up to them.

 - Kátia Patrícia P. B. Silveira

Source: Penso Positivo Movement website (in portuguese)