• A friesian cowhide rug

October, the 26th, and I’m still wearing summer clothes outdoors, on the streets of my small town. Then suddenly realising this fact, it comes to my mind that six years ago I was living in a totally different climatic environment. Much colder.

More precisely, I start to relive inside my mind an episode form those good ol’times.

She was stepping on a friesian cowhide rug. Scrubbing the soles of her feet with white socks on the skin of the dead beast. Smiling at me and telling me that was the way to catch and remove all the dirt that was being deposited on the rug.

We were both having some hard work cleaning an empty house of a family in Espoo*, pretty much like the one on the photo to the side of this line.

At the time I didn’t say anything to reply to such a moment of gracefulness on her side. She was so pretty and feminine, acting like she did, being her.

Most likely a moment like this one won’t repeat itself, but if I could go back in time, I would say this…

- Please stop acting like that. Or we won’t do anything else today in this house. I’m holding myself back, in order not to rush close to you and hug you. Because I have this notion that I can’t do that. I’m a responsible guy and I have to respect your job. But you should know that you’re irresistible.

And then I ended making eye contact with her, as she kept herself silent after my words.

But all of a sudden I stare at her once again and add to the conversation this:

- In other words, I just said I love you, girl.

That’s just the way I am. That’s the way I love.

The way I love her. The way I love gracefulness in any person.

Just some minutes ago, I was wandering outside, walking to a cafeteria in this sunny afternoon on the outskirts of Lisbon, Portugal, planet Earth. After taking my daily second dose of caffeine and being relaxed due to that, I felt I had to get back home, to put these memories in writing. And so I did.

If someday someone will write the script of the movie of my life, I believe it will be a quite interesting novel to all the people in this world.

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* If you don’t know where the hell on earth is Espoo, please go to Google Maps.

• Me, Myself & I, one more time

That’s me. No shit!… I most of the times think I’m a god. Or at the least, a member of some brotherhood of divinities. Despite really being an atheist, all the time.

But it’s a bit lonely at the top. In the last years I’ve been a lonesome wolf. Even before this damn pandemic.

I’ve been quite lucky, all during my life. I’ve met some divine people, quite like me. But lately I feel to be wasted. 

I’ve been saving a lot of love and affection, just to drop over someone that will dare to live by my side. Or even just someone who could enjoy spending time along with me, in pure and simple companionship.

Unfortunately, the one - or the ones - that I could gladly call my spouse are not near me. Still, it’s a great feeling just to know that she - or they - exist in this mad world.

There’s no one to “eat” me, even I feel myself to be a quite "delicious" guy, like a vitruviian pizza, as the one to the right. 

Meanwhile, I’m learning to enjoy living alone. And to love myself. Maybe this a phase needed to truly and completely start to love another soul once again.

Time will tell, they say... For now, I restarted to be able to do what I love. And this happened just yesterday, as I wrote in a post on another blog of mine, that can be read by clicking here.

• I also miss this stuff...

Nem só de beijinhos vive um homem. Ou uma mulher, já agora. Abraços também são fundamentais para manter aquela chama.

No último post antes deste mesmo falei da saudade que tenho de oscular. Hoje cabe a vez ao delicioso bear hug.

Já podemos abraçar de novo, não é?… Mas eu não tenho a quem mais quero abraçar perto de mim. E se não puder dar a volta a este status quo em breve, creio que vou desaprender. Praticar o desapego. Reaprender a ser sozinho.

Porque é possível ser feliz sozinho.

Durante muito tempo pensei que tal seria impossível. Mas todo este período de pandemia, em que estive em paz* comigo mesmo, conduziu-me a ver o oposto.

É muito difícil encontrar a nossa alma gêmea. E depois de a encontrar, ainda mais árdua é a tarefa de a conservar ou de nos conservarmos ao lado dela. Ao lado um do outro. 

Mas enquanto a coisa dura, é simplesmente maravilhoso quando duas pessoas alcançam esse patamar de cheirarem ambos ao mesmo odor.

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* Esse meu estado de espírito foi um pouco, ao de leve ou em parte exposto recentemente aqui.