domingo, 27 de novembro de 2011

• An essay on self-knowledge

I'm a lonesome wolf. And I'm tired of being lonesome for more than a year, now. But I'm not willing to cease to be lonesome by all means. In any way. It has to be with the best there is. In this whole world.

This is what I think of myself when I feel that I'm still a young guy, in my early fifties…

Other times, I feel I am just a Don Quixote. More pathetic even than the original one. Because my main goal is not the noble principle of the knights of the round table. To fight all evils of our modern times. It's more to find my Dulcinea... 

I had one. About ten years ago, she conquered my heart by telling that she, as a child, used to walk alone into the heart of mother nature, in the form of spring fields full of daisies. And made necklaces with these flowers, to adorn herself with those. As if she was a young fairy, with a shy little vanity in her own.

But I lost her. Most certain, irreversibly. With her, I lost as well my shield against the ugliness of today's world. So, I'm again in my perhaps foolish quest journey to find another one.

I have stepped into the discovery of the words of this new Dulcinea, a few days ago. Her perfect siren song captivated me… Here's how her lovely soul sounds:

"I love the sunrise and sunset. I see things you don’t. 
I love thunderstorms, and listening to puppies slurp up water. 
I love cherry lifesavers and french fries. I giggle a lot. 
Dogs chasing butterflies make me smile. 
Black and white pictures make me relax. 
Cooking gives me pleasure. I can't live without pasta. 
My favorite day of the year is when I can finally pick 
and eat ripe blackberries off the bush. 
I hate saying goodbye. And yes... my eyes will water. 
Just be real and loving."

My last Dulcinea left me and she sees me as an old man now. My self pride, naturally, forces me to try to deny her opinion. But if she is right, after all?… 

I'm not mentally ready to settle down. I deeply feel I'm still young. Even younger in mind, after we have split in two the path of our lives.

But that's me. I'm a dreamer. And I don't have anyone to help me put my feet back on the ground. Not even my personal Sancho Panza.

Eventually, I am the most lonesome wolf in this whole world!...

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