terça-feira, 14 de maio de 2019

• The best of both worlds

Em jeito dum repentino balanço - o mais actualizado e consciente possível - que me apeteceu elaborar acerca da minha presente existência, tenho a declarar o seguinte…

Tenho hoje o melhor de dois mundos: a liberdade dum vagabundo* mas também a chance de me oferecer os pequenos luxos dum rei. Só falta encontrar com quem compartilhar isto que tenho. Dum modo duradouro. Para sempre.

Eu já sei com quem eu queria ficar para sempre. Desde há quatro anos atrás. Mas esse querer tem de ser mútuo. E já o foi em tempos idos.
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* Já publiquei um post em que me dizia ser apenas vagabundo. Felizmente houve uma evolução pessoal desde então.

quarta-feira, 1 de maio de 2019

• Será?...

Será?... Mas eu acho que ainda quero tanto!... Apesar de tudo e de todos. Apesar de tudo o que acontece ou não. Apesar de todos os ventos e marés.

Eu ainda acredito e continuarei a acreditar que sei bem o que quero. Mas de facto aquilo que mais queremos pode nem sempre ser o melhor que possa vir parar no nosso caminho neste mundo.

quarta-feira, 24 de abril de 2019

• De mãos e pés atados

Mãos e pés metaforicamente atados. E por vontade própria de ambas as partes e não alheia.

Vem hoje este post a propósito de algo que de quando em vez vemos na internet… Como esta frase que me fez parar para pensar:

“Morrendo de vontade de andar de mãos dadas de dia… 
e pés juntinhos pela noite!...”

Uma foto de mãos dadas foi já publicada neste blog, aqui. Hoje temos uma foto de pés juntos.

I miss the one that always comes to my mind when these kind of thinks wake my conscience.

Even if I won’t see her again, I will never, ever stop to worship the ground she walks on. Because I will always have too much alive in my visual memories these scenes I saw her walking on the wooden kitchen floor with her gracious bare feet.

sábado, 6 de abril de 2019

• Half-ass man

That’s what I most of the times feel to be: a half-ass man.

After all, I’m a lazy guy. I live day by day, I don’t plan for the future. I’m not a catch for anyone. I’m not worthy.

Yet, one blessed day I came across a woman that cause me to worship the ground she walked on, indeed.

I loved - still love - and cherish every single inch of her. Mind, body and soul. From head to toe. But it’s not in my nature to do anything in my power not to lose someone I love.

To me, to love someone is to set her free.

One day this woman I worship told me she felt she could be herself by my side. Since then, it’s a sacred rule not to let feel otherwise. Ever. Whatever may she be or do.

I left her when I was foreseeing I would become a half-ass man. A burden. When I was worried about not being able to assure my self-sustainability and had to depend on her.

I am quite comfortable with the misery and uncertainty I live in. That’s the price one has to pay for being free from nowadays slavery. As naïf as this way of thinking may seem. I cannot ask anyone to share with me such kind of life.

Even if I won’t see her ever again, I will never, ever stop to worship the ground she walks on. Because I will always have in my visual memories these scenes I stared at her walking in her kitchen wooden pavement with her gracious bare feet and cute red painted toe nails.

terça-feira, 19 de março de 2019

• Sauna

At first I didn’t like it. But now I miss it.

My very first time was a bit traumatic. My body got confused with the sudden temperature changes and started to malfunction. And I even ended up in an hospital some 24 hours after my first sauna night on a family friend’s home.

The other sauna sessions that followed that first one were more normal. But still it was not so enjoyable to me as it is for all those that are used to saunas since they were born.

I hate the summertime weather in my country. I’m used to say that I was not “designed” to stand the hot temperatures we experience here in Lisbon during August. So why I would enjoy being locked in a wooden cabin full of hot steam, up to 90°C???…

Yet, nowadays I miss it… And the quite poetic text that I will quote next helped me to understand why I miss it. Here goes:

“Imagine a summer evening after a very long and very dark winter. Imagine it was tough but you survived.

Imagine a lake and a forest. The wind is very gentle and you can sense a smell of pine trees. The sun is low. A bird lands on the water and the rocks echo its sound.

Imagine a small wooden sauna by the lake and smoke coming from the chimney blurring the contours of the opposite shore.
Imagine the silence.

The S I L E N C E.

Imagine there is no need to pursuit anything, to play any role, to try to convince anyone of your excellence; no need to be beautiful or sexy or fit or young; no need to charm anyone with your intelligence or your competence or your wit. You can leave all this behind when you take off your clothes.

Imagine all you have to do is to be yourself.

Imagine how free that makes you feel.

Imagine sitting on the wooden bench of the sauna; imagine the dusk; imagine the gentle sounds of fire and of mixing hot water with cold water from the lake.

Imagine there are no machines; all that you do you do with your own hands.

Imagine the old wooden walls around you and all the old stories they have witnessed: babies who have been born there; brides that have been washed by their friends as part of their wedding rituals; old people whose loved ones have washed their bodies for their last journey. 

Imagine that all of it has been slow and meaningful. 

Imagine people crying for someone they lost or dreaming of someone very special. 

Imagine it’s all still there in that little sacred space.

Imagine that the Universe is all around you and you are part of it and you belong to it.

Imagine sharing the experience with other people who come as they are, just like you, no matter how they look like.

Imagine thinking that the old women who have given birth to four children are beautiful in a very special way.

Imagine the joy of kids who swim in the lake until they are so cold that their teeth clatter but who still want to keep swimming and laughing and playing.

Imagine going out on the veranda and letting the breeze refresh you. Imagine feeling the pure smell of the lake.

Imagine that nobody cares what you look like.

Imagine that nobody cares how much money you make or what your position in the society is or whom you are able to impress.

Imagine that what you share with other people in that small room is silence, a timeless moment of time, the mystical experience of being alive and human on this earth.

I don’t mind the health benefits or the good company. But you can’t really reduce the sauna experience to that kind of details.

Imagine sharing a moment between birth and death, being alive. Feeling alive.

That’s what I would say going to sauna is about, deep down.”

 - Katja Kaila
Finnish linguist, songwriter, feminist

Thanks, Katja. And I have to thank as well the beautiful selenite who was responsible to introduce me to sauna. Which I also miss.

quinta-feira, 28 de fevereiro de 2019

• Самая большая привилегия

“Самая большая привилегия, которая дается человеку
сверху, - быть причиной хороших перемен в чьей-то жизни.”
  - Блез Паскаль

В моей жизни было несколько людей, которые стали причиной хороших перемен... Хотел бы я им что-нибудь вернуть. Жаль, что мне еще никто не сказал, что я причинил ей хорошие перемены. Особенно последней женщиной, которая сильно изменила меня.

Спасибо, что осветил мой жизненный путь, Блейз.

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Translation from Russian to English:

“The greatest privilege that is given to a person from above is to be
the cause of good changes in someone's life.”
 - Blaise Pascal

There has been a few human beings in my life that were the cause of good changes… I wish I could had given them something back. I wish I had been told I caused good changes. Specially by the last woman that has changed me deeply.

Thank you for highlighting my life path, Blaise.

terça-feira, 5 de fevereiro de 2019

• O Ano do Porco

É hoje!…

Hoje em dia e desde há uns poucos de anos prestamos atenção a mais do que um calendário nos ditos países ocidentais. Agora damos também importância ao calendário do Império do Meio.

Agora, para além do recomeço anual convencionado a 1 de Janeiro, celebramos também nas capitais do mundo da cristandade o Ano Novo Chinês, que tem uma data volante, de acordo com o pico da fase da Lua Nova.

No último post falei sobre recomeços. Hoje, dia cinco de Fevereiro, é suposto termos de sentir - também por convenção colectivamente aceite - ou fingir que sentimos mais um. Começa um novo signo do horóscopo chinês. O último dos doze, o do Porco. No ano que vem será o meu, o do Rato.

O que significa que terei vivido 5 sequências completas de 12 animais. Ou 6 décadas.

Mas deixando de viajar para o futuro ainda por conquistar e focando-nos mazé no incontornável presente, registo agora a seguir o que se prevê para este ano:

“O Ano do Porco traz uma energia de leveza e alívio das tensões, prometendo ser um ano de recompensas, inclusive financeiramente.
O Porco pode ser associado à paz, à fartura e à valorização do amor 
e da compreensão entre as pessoas.”

A ver vamos…

terça-feira, 29 de janeiro de 2019

• Volver a empezar

Tal como o magnífico filme cujo título está no título deste post, “Volver a empezar”, também a minha actual existência é feita de recomeços. Vários recomeços.

O ano passado acabou bem. Revi algumas almas de quem tinha saudades. E sobretudo aquela de quem tinha mais saudades. E de quem sempre terei imensas. Incontornavelmente.

Este novel anno da graça de dois mil e dezanove está a demorar a começar. E eu também estou a demorar a recomeçar. A minha inspiração para a usual escrita intimista e escorreita neste blog está a demorar a recomeçar. 

Já vamos quase no final do seu primeiro mês de Janeiro. Mas a fé continua aqui dentro de que algo grande vai acontecer. E o caminho faz-se caminhando. Por isso há que dar os primeiros passos.

É mister lembrar o que nos disse um dia Epicuro. Chegará um momento em que pensarás que está tudo terminado. Mas…