"I need you here by my side", she repeatedly told me... Until I could not hold myself back anymore. Any arguments of mine to not going seemed like excuses I invented to myself.
I looked at my credit card and said to myself, what the heck, this is going to be useful for something. If needed, I'm going to spend my available sold like there is no tomorrow. I know, it's a very foolish way to act and think...
Unfortunately for myself, I'm a poor man. Like Saint Joseph, the father of Christ, was too. The financial resources that were available for me to put my hands on sold out too quickly. Due to some several bus and train trips. That I didn't foresee it in advance, before my arrival at this mythical Vantaa airport.
To my angel I have been every since my first day in the land of the thousand lakes a burden. As far as our food supplies were concerned, she always was doing the major efforts to buy these. But there was more expenses which my presence in her daily life brought to her.
I purchased my Lisbon-Helsinki two-way flight ticket with a return date that would allow me to pay the least as possible. Still in Lisbon, my almost random choice was November, the 10th. I calculated all my money would last for staying about a month.
We thought afterwards, while I was already in Lahti, of changing this return date to some day after this last Christmas, at the most. But this change would cost me an amount of money that wouldn't be available to me anymore. Not to mention that my angel would be forced to spend more and more resources with me, as well as her. And this angel is not a rich one, either.
I have my moods, that’s right. Everybody has them. U2, my sweetest angel. And I won’t say anything more about it.
Kiitos, as well, for the inspiration you gave me to write these pathetic lines today and some of the posts since the end of June. And a New Year is knocking at the door, already.
The monster that I am is going to start to ask his forgiveness directly to the gods. Not to angels. I often used to say I am an angel too. Now, I've been expelled from paradise. I'm the only one to blame. And that's not the first time it happens.
Should this be what christians call an "Act of Contrition"?... Well, this is me. This is my wonderland. This is my life.